Outside of tabloids like the New York Post -- which once ran the famous headline "Headless body found in topless bar" -- news headlines about crime, especially in small-town papers, are usually pretty boilerplate.
But a couple of truly despicable burglaries at a volunteer-run flood recovery program in Schoharie clearly pushed a few buttons at the Times Journal. This week's paper has a story: "Lowlifes break into Schoharie Recovery."
(Should that be "lowlives"? Merriam-Webster says it can go either way. The AP Style Guide is silent on the matter.)
For months, the Times Journal reports, Schoharie Recovery kept expensive tools in a shed behind the Schoharie Reformed Church without any problems, despite hundreds of volunteers coming and going. But in recent weeks, about $1000 worth of newly-bought tools went missing.
"All this time, there's been no trust problem," said [Schoharie Recovery's Sara] Goodrich. "We're greatly disappointed. We've had a lot of people in and out of that shed, and nothing's been taken.
"And the fact that it happened Easter weekend makes it more insulting."
Anyone with information on the [insert colorful word of choice] who had the temerity to creep behind a church on Easter to steal from a charity that serves homeless flood victims should contact Schoharie police at 518-295-8566.